All my life, I’ve struggled to fit in. As a child and even as an adult, I knew my way of thinking was different. I saw people and events in ways others did not. Growing up, I was often in the clouds, a rare bird in the flock searching for my own tree or nest, while all along I belonged at the flower bed or the hummingbird feeder. I wasted time and energy trying to fit in. When I questioned “why,” the answers I received didn’t satisfy my curiosity. So, I lived in my dream world and made up my own endings and answers. When hearing two sides of a story or argument, I could understand both sides.
“Why can’t I choose?” I would ask myself. “What’s wrong with me”? I knew I didn’t belong to either side.
“Where do I belong?” was always the question.
I seemed to always be “in the middle.” I blamed it on being born in June, a Gemini (twins) or the whole middle child syndrome! I struggled for many years, through working, marriage, raising children, empty-nesting.
However, along the wisdom path of growing into grace, I realized that being able to see both sides, the big picture, is now a gift which I embrace! I’ve been where I have always belonged!
In the middle!
And, amid this confusing life, I discovered, I’m a Hummingbird!
Let me explain. Enter Elizabeth Gilbert, an author and guest on Oprah’s Super Soul Session. (Several years ago.) She was talking about finding your passion. Ms. Gilbert tells the story of how she has always followed her passion to write ever since she was a child. Every time she was asked to speak, she shared her passion for writing and advised her listeners to find their passion and follow it wholeheartedly. However, after one such spirited speech, she received a letter from a woman who admitted she felt like a big loser because she couldn’t figure out what her passion was! That she is interested in many things and these interests changed throughout the years.
“Wow! Sounds like me!” I thought.
What Liz Gilbert said next brought me to tears. She explained that there are, in her opinion, two types of people in the world, the jackhammers and the hummingbirds. She calls herself a jackhammer—she knows what she wants to do and attacks it with passion and doesn’t stop until she is finished. On the other hand, the flight of natural born hummingbird is to flutter from flower to flower, meadow to meadow creating incredibly rich lives for themselves and, at the same time, cross pollinating the world—leaving their (our, my) footprints, knowledge and interests everywhere we go! This is the service they offer by following their curiosity instead of passion.
OMG—I am a hummingbird!!
To hear her say these words, it was as though she were speaking directly to me. Now I have a powerful image to understand my uniqueness!
This realization made it clear to me that I do not need a passion. I have been following my curiosity all my life! Finding something that I am interested in has never been difficult for me. Following through and making a commitment has always been difficult. I try new things for a few weeks or months, get bored and move on. I’ve taken classes (and still do) that interest me, and the books and notes are filed away never to see the light of day again.
So, dear friends, I will be writing from the hummingbird perspective—fluttering from different fields, flowers and seasons, different yards and neighborhoods, from all the varied roles and relationships I’ve had in my life. Perspectives from the middle, mostly gray, rarely black and white. To be true to my nature, this blog will probably not follow a particular subject, timeline or schedule. Topics will be what is on my mind, an adventure I had, what’s happening in the world, issues I feel strongly about. It may be trivial and make you laugh or more serious and bring tears.
If you too are a hummingbird or, if you are a jack hammer who is curious about the minds and hearts of hummingbirds, follow my blog. I hope to entertain and inspire you.
The Hummingbird—with brave wings she flies.
Anonymous
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